Headlines

A.S. Satire, The Big Bad
September 2024–December 2025


Study Reveals: The Stains On Your Shorts More Accurate Than Palm Readings

WWIII Will Be Hosted On Call of Duty Due to Youth Health Concerns

Santa Ana Winds Carry Seventh Grader Away

Prep Blood Drive to Be Donated to Vampire Food Bank

Students Regain 3.472 Seconds of Attention Span During TikTok Ban

Student Learns How to Type Em-Dash—Teacher Dismayed At Overuse—But Hopeful

Child Brainwashes Self Into Thinking Juggling Is “Fun”